It’s Friday! Let’s F*ck Some Sh*t Up Together!
Happy Friday, lovely! It’s time to fuck some shit up!
Twice a month, in accordance with the lunar cycles, we gather in circle here and in your inbox for a salaciously good time. We talk sex, self-care, and reclaiming what has always been ours via ritualized practices and hexing shitty politicians. And for my entrepreneurial babes out there, you’re getting a little bonus sales tip, too.
Why? Because I want to combine everything in my varied background into one place to offer my highest and greatest good to you. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
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🔥 SEX – In this segment, I hand you a little tip to keep your sexual health in line or spice up your bedroom. Why? Because I sold sex toys for 12 years and received training from some of the best sexologists in the world. Any products mentioned are available HERE.
Take your own lube to the gyno.
Seriously. You can do that. I do.
Make sure the lubricant is water-based, has no flavor or fragrance, isn’t infused with CBD or THC, and you’re good to go.
Because nobody likes to have the goopy nonsense dripping down their leg as soon as they stand up.
Will the doctor look at you funny? Maybe. But your vagina deserves to be treated with love.
And the lube your doctor has?
That’s not love. It’s just efficiency, bought in bulk.
In case you’re curious which lube I take, it’s called Just Like Me and it’s available here. No, I don’t take KY. Just because they have a great marketing team does not mean they have a great product. 😘 🔥
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💖 SELF-CARE – In this segment, I combine my background as a massage therapist with my training as a coach to offer you tips for physical, mental, and emotional well-being. My personal recommendation for physical movement is the Pilates-based mat work offered by Tandy Gutierrez. Not only has Tandy’s work helped me navigate living in an auto-immune body, but over the years, this has helped me more than anything else to heal my nervous system. Check out her Unicorn Wellness Studio HERE.
Essential oils. ← Just saying those two words can get a mixed bag of responses. Everything from people rolling their eyes and proclaiming they’re not real to die-hard EO folks who call themselves “oily” with pride and march against vaccines.
So, let’s get super real about them. Should you seek out an essential oil salesperson over your doctor if you have cancer? NO. Of fucking course not.
But can they help you feel a little better and help you connect with nature and yourself a little more? Yep.
For context, in my previous life as a massage therapist, I received a double certification in essential oils and aromatherapy.
I always found the word “aromatherapy” misleading. Folks often interpret it as meaning that the oil’s fragrance alone has therapeutic properties.
But that’s not the thing. Smelling the oils can be lovely! I’m not discounting that! But for some of them, applying them to the skin offers more benefits. While ingesting some oils can be helpful. (NOTE: Not all oils are safe to apply to the skin; some require what’s known as a “carrier oil,” such as coconut oil or jojoba oil, in order to be skin-safe, and certainly not all essential oils are safe to ingest. Let’s not get carried away here.)
Today, I want to offer you two easy-to-find oils as options to integrate into your self-care practices: lavender and mint.
Lavender is known to have calming properties, while mint is more on the uplifting side.
If you tend to experience anxiety, frustration, nervous system hyperarousal, or other types of agitation, it may be worth an experiment to get yourself some lavender essential oil. You can diffuse it, put it in your bath water, or mix it in with your favorite unscented lotion or body wash.
And if you lean more in the direction of depression or nervous system hypoarousal, mint oil might be your new bestie! Same options as above with what to do with it.
Both are safe to apply to the skin, though I do recommend a carrier for doing so. (Hence the idea to mix it with your fave lotion or body wash.) And if you purchase them in a roller-ball type of packaging, they’re likely already in a carrier, because those bottles are intended to be applied directly to the skin.
Do you use EOs? If so, I’d love to know your go-to blends and what you use them for! Email me and tell me. 💖
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💸 SALES – Again, I sold sex toys for 12 years. In the direct sales industry. I was fucking good at it. I earned a ton of incentives. And I trained hundreds of other women how to do the same thing. Now, I’ve taken my experience from that career, my experience with a brick-and-mortar massage practice with massage membership sales, and from building my coaching practice to develop a sales and business membership community to help other entrepreneurs redefine their relationship to sales, systems, and strategy so they can grow in a sustainable way. In this segment, I’m offering all my entrepreneurial love bugs a sales tip. Skip this part if it doesn’t apply to you. And if it does? Get my free 7-day course to find and hone your authentic sales voice at KeliLynJewel.com/voice.
Get the fuck off of social media.
I don’t mean forever. And I don’t even mean that you should take a break from social. But consider how you can market your business and sell your offers offline.
Seriously. Think about it.
What networking events take place within driving distance of where you live?
What events happen where you might be able to hold a vendor booth?
Where can you host an in-person workshop?
What local panels can you get on?
Where ELSE can you go — physically — to meet people who might be interested in what you have to offer?
Where does your ideal client hang out in real life? Go there.
In-person sales conversion rates are MUCH higher than online sales conversion rates. You have an incredible opportunity to build a relationship with someone who’s directly in front of you, with a real conversation, that simply doesn’t exist on social.
This doesn’t discount the value of social media for marketing and selling. But diversify your approach to include offline avenues and you’ll go farther more quickly. 💸
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✨ SPELL – Because this newsletter is sent out in conjunction with the lunar cycles, this segment offers you a moon ritual. Prior to all the stuff listed above, I studied art history as a way to develop an understanding of world religions. Since childhood, I’ve been on a spiritual journey to develop my own relationship to the divine. In no way do I have any interest in telling you what to believe or not believe. That’s for you. It’s personal. And for me, it’s cyclical. My spiritual practices have changed my relationship to time in such a beautiful way that I want to offer you a bit of that shift here by recognizing the cycles of the moon in order to hand you an opportunity to incorporate cyclical time into your experience of life. I work with many spiritual mentors, and ritualized practices are incorporated into the foundation of Project Reclamation—my equity-centered membership community—as well as the Reclamation Weekend retreats I host. And when you joined this email list, you received a Reclamation ritual from me. Again, I don’t care what you believe in or don’t believe in. Paying attention to the moon will help repair your relationship with time, which capitalism has fucked up for all of us. If you’d like to dive deeper into esoteric spirituality, I recommend checking out the Magical Mentoring program offered by Tandy, who I mentioned in blue above, for her Pilates work. That info is HERE.
Across time and culture, the moon has often represented our inner world of emotional connection, spiritual journey, and relationship to self. Aligning myself with the cycles of the moon has offered me the added bonus of shifting my relationship with time. When we allow ourselves the space for rest and renewal, rather than keeping ourselves stuck in the constant hustle & grind mentality of late-stage capitalism, our perspectives on what’s influential, what’s valuable, and what’s worthy of our energy have space to become deeper and more personal.
This week, I’m offering you a full moon ritual to hand you a little piece of that.
This doesn’t have to take a long time. The idea is to be present with yourself and focused on your full experience during the ritual. Pay attention to the sensations you feel during the ritual and make note of them afterward. I’d love to hear about your experience if you’d like to share!
FULL MOON RITUAL
The full moon is an excellent time to release anything you’ve been holding onto. And this can mean one of two things! Either you’ve been clinging to something that isn’t serving you, and you’re releasing your grip, or you’ve been working toward creating something that you’re now ready to release into the world. Whichever option resonates most with you, that’s where to focus your energy for this ritual.
Supplies: paper, pen, candle, some sort of non-flammable receptacle (actual cauldron, metal, glass, or ceramic bowl or pot, fire pit outside, the base of a grill — you’re gonna burn some shit up so you want something to let it burn in that’s not going to cause any damage to anything)
Steps:
Take a few minutes and ground yourself, whatever that means to you – whether that’s a few deep breaths, listening to a guided meditation, washing your face, putting your feet in the grass, masturbating, or anything else. Then light your candle.
Write out what it is that you’d like to release. If this is something you’ve been clinging to that isn’t serving you, and you’re releasing your grip on it, fold the paper in half AWAY from your body. If it’s something you’ve been working on and are releasing into the world, fold the paper in half TOWARD your body.
Light the paper on fire and let it burn in your non-flammable receptacle.
BONUS: If you want to mix the burnt ashes with salt and/or offer them back to the earth by sprinkling them around outside or burying them under the moon, go for it!
We are out of eclipse season, baby! And the full moon happening on Tuesday, April 23, is a pink supermoon coming in hot on the tails of a Jupiter-Uranus conjunction. The sun is in Taurus, which relates to our bodies and our resources. And the moon will be in Scorpio, offering us introspection and self-reflection.
Add in that Jupiter-Uranus vibe, throwing some big support for any sudden inspiration or fresh ideas.
I invite you to use these concepts to inform your full moon ritual this month. And, if you feel so inclined, snap a pic during your ritual and tag me on socials. I’d love to bear witness to your lunar vibes. ✨
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✊ STATECRAFT – Politics is a not-so-secret passion of mine. I used to run a couple of political organizations here in Kansas City and lobby at the state level in Missouri with Planned Parenthood. The 2016 election is what led me into coaching after I lost my mind and a therapist told me I had “excellent coping skills” because I was focusing all my time and energy on political volunteerism. And in this segment, we might get a little petty. But we’ll always be aiming to reclaim our power from the cis-heteronormative, puritanical, white supremacist patriarchy we currently live under in this hellscape of climate change and late-stage capitalism. Here, I’ll offer suggestions on candidates to donate to, people to follow, podcasts to subscribe to, and answer the question of WHO ARE WE HEXING? (Josh Hawley is always on that list.)
Today’s hexation is a little bit open for discussion. We’ve got a focus, but who’s the main culprit and deserves our hexing energy? That’s nuanced and debatable.
Our focus is what’s been happening for the last several months in Palestine.
Now that Iran has gotten directly involved, the public attention has shifted away from Gaza. The connections between Iran and Russia bring the war in Ukraine into the conversation. And it was an atrocious situation to begin with.
Who started it and who’s most to blame for the problem depends on your perspective of both historical and current events, your connections to both Islam and Judaism, your spiritual beliefs, how you see this relating to colonialism and white supremacy, and your personal lived experience of oppression. And I’m not here to tell you which way to lean in any of that. There’s a lot of nuance involved. Which has led to a lot of hatred and blame.
But there are also a lot of dead innocent people and even more who are suffering. And adding violence to violence does not equal less violence. That math doesn’t math.
So, to direct our hexes this week, I invite you to consider who you think is most standing in the way of a permanent ceasefire and who is most promoting the continuation of war-like conditions. Wherever you land, that’s who gets your hex.
*This segment is not intended to promote harm to anyone in any way. I don’t hex people in real life. ✊
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That’s it for this week, lovely! I appreciate you offering me space in your day. And I look forward to seeing you fuck some shit up today! ❤️🔥
-xoxo-
Keli
P.S. I want to invite you to Project Reclamation, a private, equitable, self-coaching community, to explore the most expansive version of yourself. Inside, you’ll receive tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive self-coaching. Plus, you’ll have access to Master Certified Coaches to receive written coaching as well as live coaching via group calls. And you’ll be able to join in on an integrated book club, as well as both virtual and in-person community celebrations.
Maybe life coaching has felt out of reach for you in the past, as it’s often relegated to those hoarding enough wealth to be bored. But self-discovery doesn’t actually come in Tiffany boxes, and it is my goal to make healing and growth accessible to everyone.
Inside this space, we’re committed to reclaiming our bodies, our time, our joy, and our lives from all the cultural conditioning that has left us feeling less than. And we’re doing it in a vibrant, supportive community that is truly open to everyone who shares these values. (Though cis-het white Christian men may struggle a bit.)
Registration is now open, so click the link to join. See you on the inside!
